Sharp cuts and Deaf wishes

I normally don't do stuff like these but then I figured why not let people take just a little peek of my f*cked up life. If someone is even reading this. :|

So here it goes: *takes deep breath

I woke up today. Late. Oh yes, I'm very fond of the 'overslept' routine. No, I don't have classes today. It's already vacation here in the Phil. ;) But I do have summer classes. They're not remedial classes. They're just, sort of, summer camps. I take meditations. No silly reader, not medications, MEDITATIONS. ya' know. kinda' like yoga. But you spend the next half hour in a full lotus position and 'getting inside your mind' and that sort of crap. Anyways, so I decided to just skip and be absent. It's just one day, and I can always meditate at home. Just don't know why mom didn't wake me up. ugh.
Next thing I know I'm being forced into the car 'cause my parents wanna have family time together. Not that I don't want to. It just wasn't the right time. I was in the middle of doing something important. (and no, you don't have to know what it was). We went to MOA. If you're not in the Phil. then it means Mall of Asia. Yes, Asia's mall is located in the Phil. :P
We just roamed around and walked and talked (well, they were. I was just on their tail) and eat and walked some more. By the time it was getting dark, I excused myself and said I was going to the bookstore to buy a book I've reserved. I kinda' only said that to have some time alone. But it was still true! I went to PowerBooks and bought the book I wanted. Tricks. (I swear, Ellen Hopkins is a genius poet.). After that, I went to find them and my sister texted me to just meet at the parking lot where our car was parked.
So much for family time. When I got there, my mom somehow got pissed of and all the time our drive back at home, she and dad were fighting in the car. Shouting and swearing and telling something about who cares about us kids and we can just suffer without the help of blahblahblah. (but no, they weren't talking to us).
I kinda' blocked myself with some music. plugged in my iPod and cranked up the volume to ignore all the crap they're talking about. I just really wanted to make them stop. I craved for silence at that moment.
I looked at my right and saw my little sister crying. Poor kid, doesn't deserve to witness these kinds of things 'parents' do.
I mean seriously. Aren't they even aware that we were right there!.
I didn't realize my eyes were slowly starting to sting.
Shouldn't parents show their children that a family is supposed to love and care for each other and stuff? not telling the other to get lost and take the kid with you and sh*t.
When we got home, what I really wanted to do was cut myself.
*gasp! you really would cut yourself Alyssa? yes reader, I really would.
That little display at the car has been going on for weeks. Seriously I couldn't sleep at night with all the glass breaking and shouting and whatnot.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, even though I know a lot of kids has been having, umm.. situations like these, I guess I'm just not one of those who doesn't completely care.

And yes, I really did cut myself that night. Locked inside my room and looked for a blade. But it wasn't my first time. just a second time actually. the first was the day before christmas. But that's a whole diff. story.

Soo.. if you managed to read all the way up to the end, then give yourself a round of applause. the end?

-aLySsA-
[FML]