The cutting helps me remain calm. For a minute or two... The tears i cry never go away, the blood that falls never dries up. Pain is my best friend weather i feel the pain that's caused by other people or the pain that is caused by me. My eyes used to be so big and beautiful. I used to have the bluest eyes. I used to have respect for my mom. But i guess there is a first time for everything. My eyes are sad and gray, bags lay around them. And tears slide down them. My mom and me used to be tight till i was older....till i found out and i started to understand the mistakes the choices she maid the choices she maid had a woman all dressed up come in and show my mom a badge and then she took us away. I was 10 my sisters were 3 and 8. And we got departed our sepret ways. I always loved her until i got back she yelled more she swore more and she hit more...She just wasn't the mom i got taken away from for 4 years of my life i didn't no her and nor did i really want to get to no her.
I was 13 when drugs,beer,boys and cigerets came into my life i hung out with the bad croud and the 17 year old boys. But i didn't care i was liked for once in my life that[s when i started losing my friends i got my belly and nose periced and i got skinner. I was into the things they didn't want to get into. Guys liked me or so they said i was finally beautiful. Then the rumers, the markings, the fights the names started up.. So i started cutting...deeper and deeper with in each name. It was catchy like a cold...So i caught on i started beliving them. I understood why they were saying these things and cutting was addicting so it showed the scares. I turned into my mother...
I was 14 when guys staretd liking me...the older guys just started to relize i was there like i hadn't exsisted before. Pot,beer,cigs and boys were my life friends were out i didn't care about school i didn't respect my parents i was cool and popular...I was the bad girl of the school. My boy friend was 16 and he was my first for a lot of things then guys were just all over me... i was a slut i new that i wasn't afraid to admit it or say it...I was embarsesed of what i had became...I was in denil..My mom and me started having fights and we both swung at each other,,,We called each other names we were a real cat and dog fight,,,
I hope one day i can just wake up from this night mare because its starting to kill me inside and out...<3
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