An Awkward Moment with Grandma

I was alone with Grandma in the terrace…

Well, we moved here since the year 2000, and I thought I would surely felt grateful to meet my father’s side family. And after the almost 10 years of staying here, the thought of “Happy Family-We Are Family” expectations did not happened. Especially in my relationships with grandma and grandpa. I know it’s wrong but sometimes I felt that my deceased grandma and grandpa in my mother’s side loved me more, not that they gave all the material thing I want, its just that I sense their warm love and appreciation that I’m with them. That’s why when they died I totally felt regretful, hopeless, alone and I don’t know.. . All I do then is cry and cry…
Honestly even though I spent a lot time with my father’s parents, I still felt different. I’m not jealous with my cousins who they gave their favoritism attitudes towards them, because I know that I’m a lot, as in a lot more better than them (I’m not bragging, its true). They really don’t care that much to us, and the worst part is that “My father is their eldest son” and yet from what I had observed for many years, I haven’t seen them taking my father as their “real son.” I wanna yell at them and tell them “Hey here’s your another son! Could you please not forget him, he’s still a part of your family..”
Until now our situation remains the same and since they “are still” my grandparents, RESPECT in my actions and words is still there whenever I’m with them.

Then here comes the situation when I and mom only was left in the house and Grandma came to visit, well I think word ” visit” doesn’t suit for that just “pass by and stand by.” Okay its so happened that Grandma stand by in our house waiting for some of her friends cuz they will have a community meeting in the neighborhood. Mom chatted her first but she had some appointments too, so she asked to talk to grandma so that she will not get bored. Our television is open but Grandma preferred to sit in our terrace bench. Since Mom requested me to join her, I sit beside her.

I have no idea what or how would I talk to her. It’s really awkward and bizarre to be with Grandma alone and I’m not so used to it. The cool and fresh evening breeze flew. And still silence was all around us. I think Grandma was not used in the situation too, so she did not talk also.

Thank God my cell phone rang; at least there was a breakage for the creepy silence. There was no way I gonna escape this scenario so I just started the conversation, then her answers were very short so I kept changing the topic until all the stupid topics in my mind didn’t worked out.
I guess after one hour, her friends make a wave so they can start their agenda already. She bid me good bye and I did likewise. Then this idea came up in my mind that Id rather talk to my crush and confessing to him that I like him than having this awkward moment with Granny.