and It all falls apart ............ yet again

OK so I don't know..... I'm a blah right now I seriously have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I thing I have borderline personality disorder isn't that nice.Every thing is just so messed up. I hate life and I hate people. I mean like its like every one is just standing there with a dagger in their hand just waiting waiting for just the right time to go and stab you with it.Some of them don't stop they just keep stabbing. I'm tried of being stabbed I'm tired of being hurt. So much crap has happened to me and I just I'm tired of dealing with it. For some reason I try to shove my broken pieces back in try to hold my self together a little longer but for what? Just to have more pieces break off. I'm trying to keep a hold of myself I'm trying not to slip. I'm failing though I'm miserably failing. I know I'm going to have people who think I'm just being a Winny teenager but its what ever. I guess I am pretty pathetic so doesn't really matter. My friend wants me to get help like a therapist or something. I guess shes right but how do I ask my mom that it's not like I can just walk up to her and be like "hey mom I want you to get me a therapist cause i think i have this disorder and need happy pills" that would go over well. I keep my happy act around them being careful not to slip. My family and most of my friends are all in the dark when it comes to me. I feel alone but telling them would just be like bringing them down and what ever I don't want to do that. I don't what the hell am I even doing. I feel like I'm just this pathetic shell of a human being and not worth caring about so eh. I don't even know what the point of this was.....