147 days, 22 hours and 31 minutes into the year 2010/Questions

On the very first day of this year I posted a journal about how I wasn't ready for the year 2010.

It has been a very eventful 147 days, let me tell you. I am absolutely knackered of hearing about things I need to do, exams I need to sit. To be completely and totally honest with you I truly have turned into something that right at this moment in time, I'm not too sure I'm happy about. My life isn't a mess in the slightest, I am 100% happy with the way my life is going... just not about who I am.

I haven't been honest with the people I care most about and that hurts me, knowing that if they find out I know it will destroy them inside.

I hate knowing I can't help the one boy I love more than anything else in the world because of who I'm becoming...

I seriously dont mean to be that person... I just.. am. I've turned into everything I swore I'd never be. I've started smoking again, I drink alcohol a lot more often than I used to. All I care about is finding ways to please myself and make sure that everything's okay for me and in the process of doing that I am tearing apart the hearts of everyone who cares that is watching me sit on a big red self destruct button.

I'm changing, Mibba. I promise.

At the start of the year I was ready for 2010.
147 days. 22 hours and now 40 minutes into it, and I just wanna rewind and do it all again.
I'm letting life get to my head. I'm 15, and it hasnt even started properly yet.

--

Q'S for you.

1) How has 2010 treated you so far?
2) How many gigs you been to this year, and what ones?
3) What is the happiest thing in your life right now?
4) What are you worried/stressed about?
5) If you could escape to one place or one moment in time right now, where would it be?

My Answers.

1) Pretty shit.
2) ..2, or three. No, three. Foals and Jonquil, Shadowthrone and Replay, and loads of misc. unsigned bands for Record Store Day. Going to see Foals again in November! xD
3) My exams are nearly over!
4) My exam results. And my best friend.
5) The lake at Haggerston Castle. I miss my granny and pappy. whos ashes are scattered there.

-kx