Hit me, knock me out and let me go back to sleep, I guess, I remember every glance you shot me, un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat

Even though I know you're never going to read this, I have to say it. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you but please believe me when I say I never lied to you once while we were together. When we broke up and I said you didn't mean anything? I lied you meant everything to me. I just hope you are happy now, and you don't hate me. However I wouldn't blame you if you did. I hurt you more than anyone else possibly could have, I said I'd always be there and I broke that promise. You don't know how much I regret what I did, just know that i still believe it was the right thing to do, and that we are both far better off. You deserve someone perfect, not someone broken, twisted and struggling through the simplest things. It kills me to know that I hurt and that I can't fix it. If I could go back I'd fix my life before I met you so that we could still be together now. You were my first real love and I will never forget or regret anything I did with you. Everything just felt so natural, being with you; it was amazing. I still remember our first kiss, standing in the park it was perfect. You were perfect. I still get butterflies when I think of you. I'm soo sorry I screwed up my life. That I was scared of the commitment, that I made you believe it was all your fault. I will forever regret that day and probably ever day since but you deserve better. You made believe that I was worth something more than what i thought. I imagined growing old with you, having children with you, just being with you forever, this coming from someone who doesn't believe in marriage. Yeah you meant a lot, you still do and I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry for everything I put you, you just deserve so much better than me.

I will always remember what we had. If you do ever end up reading this, know that you will always mean more to me than you ever thought. I love you, even through it all and I don't regret any of it, not even Auckland - I was just scared and afraid of commiting myself to anything.