I miss having friends.

For the past few years, it has always seemed to me that I was drifting away from my friends. That, when they decided to get together and hang out, I was never a part of the fun. Even when I was invited, I would either decline or sit on the sidelines watching the others having fun, and I would wish that the strangers who were watching us thought I was having fun too.

Now I look back, and I still can't decide why things were like that. Maybe it was the people I was hanging out with, maybe it was the fact that I was just so uncomfortable in my body, but I do have to say that things are looking up slightly. In the social department, at least. These past three weeks have been really-- refreshing. I hung out with people I used to, and instead of sitting in the back and keeping quiet, I laughed and made jokes and shared stories and it finally felt like I was starting to become the person I wanted to.

But now one of the main people who dragged me out to the parties and get-togethers moved away, and it has suddenly stopped. I've suddenly reverted back to being quiet and holing up in my room all the time. Not even picking up my sketchbook, not building anything, just sitting there like an unproductive lump. Or a potato. They are pretty unproductive. And lumpy.

Basically, that's the sad crap going on in my life, and I'm deciding to end this on (a) happier note(s).

First of all, I do have a job now, even if it is one I hate. And I'm not going to complain too much, because I need this badly, and I do think I was more miserable when I was unemployed and not able to pay my bills. So, I work now. As a temp, so it's nothing stable like I really need, but it's definitely sufficient. And any job looks good on a resume. Oh, this may lead me on a tangent about college.

Okay, college. I had conflicting emotions about it in high school. I absolutely hated high school. Not because I was a bad student, but because I hated the people. I couldn't stand being around all the negative emotion. Because, to be honest, I loved learning. I was in the Beta Club, I graduated with honors, and school work didn't bother me. But having so many teenagers in one place was hell. I was the awkward girl who wore baggy clothes and never combed her hair and who drew in notebooks during mentor instead of having conversations with other people. The thought of four more years of that made me dread living.

It was really the thought of getting to learn more, and getting to specify what I learned, that made me consider going to college. To not completely rule it out. But so far, I haven't went to college, and right now that is the best course for me. Right now, I am working the same job that college graduates are. I'm not in debt, and I'm in the same position they are, so I've come out slightly better. It's the only thought keeping me going right now. (Because I have to one-up people. Because I'm horrible.)

That's my thoughts on that for now..

Also! I'm an angsty teenager and I hate my parents.

Just a little bit. Alright, I'm kinda kidding. Whatever.