Just another thing you'll never know

I HATE this....I miss you so much, you don't even know. It's like I can't make myself happy. The only time I'm ever really happy is when you are around. And lately, that hasn't been very much. It's not your fault. Not really. More like mine, I knew better but continued to do it. It's like I just got caught up in the moment, like I always do when I'm with you. I don't know why I can't behave myself like a normal person, but then again I've never been normal have I?
I'm always getting into trouble and i don't know why I don't stop. I feel like you're rebelling because of me and I don't want you to look back someday and be like "Nichole ruined my life". I honestly think you deserve much better than me and i know that if you were reading this you would be very upset with me. That's probably why I am writing this cause I know you wont read it. But sometimes I wish I could express how much I want for you. Don't get me wrong, I am soooo incredibly happy you are mine and that you want to be with me. That makes my heart sing, but I just want to be worthy of your love and I'm way to selfish to let you go. So unfortunately my dear you are stuck with me (: Just know that no matter what may ever happen I will always love you and I will always stay by your side until you no longer want me there.