Update about everything.

Just in case anyone actually wants to know about my life.
Well, this year has been crazy. Like, good crazy and bad crazy.
Starting from like January, I've been pretty happy. For a little bit. I kinda got over the Alex is fat and disgusting, because I realized I wasn't myself when I had those thoughts. So I kept smiling, and pretty soon, it wasn't me acting happy, it was me.
And also, I got the lead in our high school musical, Footloose. And I was hyped. My best friend played my best friend, my opposite was really fun and cool, and I was just overall happy.
But during Footloose, the guy who played the bad guy boyfriend started crushing on me hardcore. Which I didn't really care, I mean, he was really nice and cute, but just not really me. He told me, and I didn't really tell him I didn't like him, because I didn't know if I did or not, but I told him I didn't want a relationship during the musical. Because I didn't want to make things awkward on stage. And I liked the guy who was playing my father for a while. Like for 3 or 4 months. So I wasn't really giving up. But then I had a party (simple movie party, no crazy rave.) and I invited my crush, Corey, the guy crushing on me, Jake, my best friend, Meagan, her boyfriend, Tyler, my other best friends Josh and Brandon. And it was fun, we watched movies and played hide and seek, and all this fun stuff, and after Corey left, he started texting me, and almost flirting. And I'd never been happier. So the next day at rehearsal, Corey told me he liked me, I told him I liked him, and all that jazz. And Corey even told Jake about us for me so I wouldn't have to. But that really hurt Jake. I had to kiss him for the first time that day, too. He was on the verge of tears. But he acted like something for sure was going to happen, and it wasn't. But then after that, like a few days, he started dating one of my best friends Lexi. Which was weird, but I was happy. And everything was perfect.
But then I started to get sucked back into the 'Alex is fat and worthless' phase by my dad. And I had Corey to tell me differently, but I still acted differently. And it showed. Corey stopped wanting to hang out all the time, he'd just see me at school and rehearsal. And that made me worse, and it just wasn't good. Meagan really helped me out with the eating disorder. She talked me down, no matter what. But Corey didn't really know how to help, so less than a week before prom, he broke up with me. And that really sucked. But I still went with him, as a friend. And I pretended I was happy. But during Prom, Jake asked Corey about me. And Jake told me that Corey said he didn't want to be in my life anymore, and that he didn't like me. And that obviously hurt, and I went to Jake for help, because Meagan had broken up with her boyfriend during prom, and I didn't want to bother her. And Jake made me feel a lot better. And I still was in love with Corey, but I decided I wouldn't let it be everything, and I'd just chill. And then Brandon and Josh told me they thought Jake still liked me and that Corey wouldn't say something like that. And I asked Corey, and he said he didn't talk to Jake. So I didn't know who to believe, and still don't. But Jake is now talking to another girl after dumping Lexi for a lame excuse, and telling her that he only ever dated her to get back at me. So I've lost my respect for him. And I still love Corey. But he treats me like crap. Terribly. You know the feeling that you want to kill someone, but you'd still give them the most love you've ever given anyone? Well, for the past few weeks, that's the feeling I've been giving Corey. He's the most amazing guy I've ever met, but he doesn't like me anymore. He makes me smile even when he's being a jerk. And I hate it so much.
But I'm not going to go crazy. It'll be just like when I first started liking him, hopefully. And I just want to get this over with and start partying like crazy.
So I'll keep writing this kinda stuff, because that really helped. :)
If you read this, thanks, lol. :)
June 3rd, 2010 at 07:57pm