What's Life For?

I feel so useless. I have friends, yes. But I wonder if half of them even like me. I do have close and stable friends like Monika and and Hannah and Nadia and Megan. They are real friends, friends I can trust. But, I admit, I have no control over my words sometimes (dont comment on that!) and I say things that might be funny but a little offensive. People give me looks....I feel little pieces of my heart falling down then. I'm sorry! I dont mean to say those things! And when I try to be really nice, I'm ignored! And I don't get points for self-esteem. Look, I may have 'beautiful red hair' and 'pretty eyes' and other things adults say, but I do not agree. I feel so low. Why am i hated? Oh, am i just being foolish? I have internal battles like this all the time. And people wonder why I have depressing poems.