Ramblings on how I deal with change + some questions :)

Do you ever feel like crying, but you're not sure why? I feel like that right now. But I sort of do, but not really, have a reason to cry.

Basicly, I'm not aloud to associate with someone (says my father; so I have to obey) but everytime I think of that person, I just want to cry.

I think it's because I miss that person way too much. And I get too attached to people. Once someone says something nice to me and we talk for a couple of weeks, they're in my heart, I should probably say mind, forever.

I also hate change. I cannot handle it. That person was apart of my routine. I woke up, texted them, hung out with them on the weekends, and so on and so forth. Now I wake up, get ready, then head off to school, or where ever it is that I'm going. It's like I'm not me without them.

So why do I even let people in like that? Is it because, way down inside, I truely enjoy the aftermath of deleting people out of my life, and not to mention the emptieness that I feel every moment of the day?

The only bright side of this is that I right when something like this happens, I throw myself into my school work and sports.

I have nothing to do? I'll go to the batting cages and practice hitting. I start thinking of that person? I'll go read a book. No books or softball practices/games going on? I'll go for a run, or do homework that's due.

It's my way of coping with change, I guess you could say. But I don't think it's really that healthy. It's not good to hold things in, and my way of dealing with things is pushing it as far back into my brain, praying that it will eventually vanish, and I can move on. But I can't. And I don't think I ever can.

I know journals written are supposed to be worthwhile, and although this one may not be to you, it really organized my thoughts. So to make it worthwhile for you, I'll just put in some questions, even though, clearly, questions are becoming kind of tacky. But I'm just so awesome, I'll but some in. So here you go:

1.how do you deal with change?
2. anything going on tonight/today?
3. are journal questions that have nothing to do with the journal itself tacky?

Well, that's the only questions I could really think of, so I'm going to stop this journal here.

Bye
--Courtney;

Oh, and this is just a mental note, but I think this is one of the longest journals I've typed.

And I almost forgot, I apologize for my spelling. Aparently spell check dosn't work on laptops?