Life.

Things have been absolutely hectic for the past year of my life. I was a senior in high school dealing with an illness that would not stop, but I met someone amazing. His name was NIck, and I love him very much. Unfortunately while I was on vacation this past week and half, 2,000 miles away from home, he barely spoke to me. Then I got a text that said that he was unhappy and that he wanted to break up and that nothing could change that. That was three days ago. Things have been very rough since then, I got sick that day as well and vomited all over the desert on the way back from the Hoover Dam. I've cried alot. I'm crying now. I love him so fucking much and this is what I get? I'm still really sick, and now I'm alone. Sure, I have family and friends and they help for a little until they decide that your problems are bigger than yours. I've learned to watch what I told people, and I didn't intend on telling anyone until I got home and felt like I could deal with it more, but he had another plan. Even though he wouldn't get on the computer the entire time I was gone to talk to me, he sure as hell got on to change his relationship status on facebook so that everyone knew that we broke up. And then people started to blame me. None of it was my fault, and not many people understand how hurt I am. I still can't believe that it happened, a part of me refuses to believe it. So here I am, on stong antibiotics that are supposed to help fight this illness that is tearing my kindey apart, heartbroken with no one to turn to. None of my friends have ever been broken up with before, much less by someone who meant as much to them as Nick did to me. My lip is torn apart because when I cry at night I bite it so I don't make a sobbing sound that would alert my uncle across the hall that it hurts this badly. People keep telling me that there are other fish in the sea, and sure, there are, but there will be no one that will match him. Even though at the end he was shitty that was completely out of his character. He was the kind of guy that held me when I cried because my parents decided that going to a party was more important than taking care of me when I was in pain. When I was told by my doctor that there was nothing else that they could do. They don't know how I know I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that made me want to live for a change. And now he's gone and I don't really understand why. All I do is cry. All I want to do is be with him, but he doesn't want me anymore. This is the absolute worst feeling in the world. I feel like I've failed. I feel like shit. I feel dead. I want my boyfriend back.
If anyone is reading this, sorry for the rant, but I doubt that anyone is still subscribed to me.