I have been experimenting with drugs for a while. I've probably done more than most people. I stay as safe as I can though. Today I was hanging out with my best friend and my boyfriend. My dad had left me some cash to buy a yearbook, but they were all sold out. We ordered a pizza and decided to buy some MDMA with the rest of the money. All of our sources were dry though, so we settled on Ritalin. I had never done lines of Ritalin before, but I decided it would be okay. My best friend left at about 5, and me and my boyfriend just laid around for a while before railing it.
I've been with him for almost two weeks, but we've had a thing between us for about 3 months. He's not my usual type, his style is but his personality isn't. He is probably the most loving, genuine nice guy I have ever met. I've liked him since the very first day I met him, which isn't usual for me at all. I didn't think he was serious about me at all. but then last week we were hanging out and my dad came home. He just strolled downstairs and started up a conversation with my dad about his Harley. He asked my dad if it was okay that he was dating me. I was shocked as hell. My dad's Harley is his baby though, so an hour long conversation about it was probably the best first impression anyone could have ever made on him.
Anyways, back to the point. We ended up each railing three lines of Ritalin. It ended up being kind of a lazy high. We just hung out on my bed for about an hour and talked. Then we both had a sudden burst of energy at the same time so we heavily made out for a while. After a while, he pulled away and told me that the crash from the high is basically a very bad depression. He had forgotten that that was what it was like, because he hadn't taken Ritalin since elementary school when he had serious ADD. Like a wave, the depression hit me. I almost started crying, and I didn't say a word to him for a half hour. I didn't move either. He started getting really worried about me, and was rubbing my back and holding me but that wasn't really helping. Then, for some reason I started saying really stupid things. Like how I didn't think he was ever going to ask me out so I forced myself to get over him. Then when he actually did ask me to be his girlfriend, I fell for him all over again. Then I went on about how I'm a very manipulative person and how I use people. Those things are true, but they weren't things I was going to tell him. Not then and there, anyways. I started crying after that, the sobbing seemed like it lasted forever. I started coming up from the low, and realized how ridiculously stupid the things were that I said to him, and how much they must have hurt him. Cried again, for even longer. Told him he deserves better than me, told him I'm not worth his time.
He sat with me for around 7 hours of this bullshit. Holding me, listening to me, consoling me. All when we should have been studying for tomorrow's english exam. I am the absolute worst girlfriend. He is such an amazing boy. I don't know why he puts up with me. He left about an hour ago, I'm still having a bit of a low. I was serious when I told him that I don't deserve him. Fml. All this happened, and he just called me and told me how excited he is for me to meet his parents. How did I get such a perfect guy?
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