"[i] Life sucks. Then you die. Yeah I should be so lucky..."[/i]

Why must life be so complicated? Why must love hurt so?

I look into his eyes, remembering how happy we once were. See the love we still have shining there. I am wrapped in his arms, knowing I should be relaxed, comfortable, yet I'm edgy, restless. I long to run. Long to be gone, to hide from the world this persistent desire. 

I see Him. The one, my first love. My breath stops, my mouth goes dry. I can't think straight anymore. I dint know what to do. I find myself stumbling over simple phrases. 
All my feelings, new and old, those familiar and scary, all rise to the surface. I long for Him to hold me. To feel his lips move with mine. 

What's wring with me?! Why am I not happy with the amazing guy I have. Why can't he be enough? He always has been before. I fought so long, so hard for him, just to lose it all? 
This can't be. What have I done? What do I do?