A Rant You Probably Won't Want To Hear [and it's not even mine.]

“Every girl I’ve met or dated for the past two and a half years has read Twilight in some degree or another (ranging from the regular reader to the insane, regularly-kissed-cutouts-of-Edward-Cullen fangirl, who terrified me). Guys: you are stupid not to at least pick this book up, because it’s now the Sparknotes to 85% of young girl’s hearts.

These people who pull up the same old arguments (“vampire’s can’t sparkle!” *falls into fits on the floor*) are starting to sound like an old broken horn. It’s like the bully calling a fat kid fat in the eleventh grade. He’s been told he’s fat for eleven years. Your insults are neither creative nor new. It’s not like he’s going to go away, so you’re just making yourself look like a sad tormentor desperately trying to fill a hole in your life.

I’m a fan, and I poke fun at these books just as much as everyone else. I spent almost two years poking fun at this series, and five million readers later I still do it. But it isn’t a matter of whether or not you LIKE the series, as it is a matter of NOT LOSING YOUR MIND ABOUT IT. Girls who cut their necks hoping Robert Pattinson will drink their blood: psychotic. Girls who buy copies of Twilight just to dance around and burn them on camera: also psychotic. They’re books. Have you nothing better to do?

Literary criticism is so very important to our business, because it makes us better. But the Twilight Saga has been all criticism’d-out. There’s been no stone unturned, so these little rants on Amazon are just the same broken-record babble. It’s like people who still roar Harry Potter was written by Beelzebub. Someone at least find a synonym for ‘Vampiresdontsparkle!!!‘.

I’ve read years worth of Twi-hate sites and emails whining about how Stephenie ruined vampires, and female characters, and stories for girls, and the literary business, and caused the oil spill. But how can someone ruin what was created by imagination anyway? There’s no such thing as vampires (THE SALTS! FETCH THE SALTS!). Vampires were created by legends, myths, pop culture and stories like Twilight. There is no patent on ‘vampire’. So anyone is free to change them into whatever they want, because there isn’t a real mold from which they were formed. I could write a book with vampires who wear pink fedoras and eat dirt, and no matter how loudly someone whined, the book police wouldn’t be able to stop me.”

I'd add to this, but honestly, TwilightGuy's taken the word out of my mouth. :)