I love you both so incredibly much, you'll never know how much. I regret all the stupid things I've done, and the space I've put between us.
You have no idea how hard this is to write. So I'll just start then;
It's scary where I stay- dark and full of things I wish would stay far away from me. Having hate claw at your heart, pain munch on your ribs, and feel sadness spread all over my body. I hate who I am, who I've become. And I hate that it's seperated us like this.
We used to be sooo close, all three of us. I miss that. But with this deadly monster that I carry I don't you guys to get hurt so I push you farther away.
you may hate me, I'm fine with that, but let me explain. I love you guys too much to allow my bad influence ruin your lives like it's already ruined mine. I hope you both know that I care about you and want the best for you.
I don't deserve either of you as a brother or sister, and you don't deserve me. I hope in time you forgive me.
Love from your undeserving siser,
Rachael S. B.
P.S. I'm hoping the medicines work and I can be a happy older sister again. I love you both. Also remember no matter how happy a person looks, you have to go way underneath to find the real them. Look how long it took Mom and Dad to help me.
Give everyone a chance. So many people fight this battle, and become broken. Talk to someone you wouldn't and actually care. It mkes all the difference.
