I hate feeling the need to "look good."

Thinking: when you're an insomniac like myself, there isn't much else to do.

For an insecure gal like myself, it is never good to think too much about one topic.
With it now being summer, I was thinking of beaches. Then came the thought of bikinis, then came the dread.

I am not terribly over weight - I have hockey and bike riding to thank for that.
However, I'm not as small as I'd like to be - for that, I have my metabolism to "thank."

As thoughts like "I have to work out more, eat less," swirl around my head, another thought enters my mind. Why do I care?

The media earns some blame. Then it's my friends or strangers on the street, even though they don't TRY to make me feel this way. It just happens.

I never want my little sister or my nieces to ever feel this way - they are beautiful.
I'm not, however, the greatest role model, nor are my mom and sisters.

I always have to "get ready" before going out, even if it's just to a friend's house.
Showered, smell good, hair straightened to perfection, and make-up on.
Pants the make me look good, shirts that fit just right so they don't show off my stomach at all.

The thing I hate the most? Even after all that preparation, I still hate my appearance.
I still wish I looked like them.

These thoughts are drowning me, I need sleep.
So here is the big question: have you gone through this? Do you still think this way? If not, how did you overcome it?

Lots of love.
xo.

-j