Let's talk about Criticism.

Dear You,

Have you ever taken a look at your first story?
I'm talking about re-reading every awkward moment of something you designed, wrote and completed years ago- smack dab in the center of your developmental phase. Unless yours was amazing, jaw-dropping and snatched up by an agent only to shoot up the NYTimes bestsellers list in seconds and show J.K. Rowling up in 2.5 seconds.
You've got me impressed already.

My first story was not like this at all. My first was way back in the golden age of Quizilla, lost to some ever-changing username that is likely littered with "x.o.x.o"and is still lurking out there, somewhere on the interweb. It's a comforting thought, really.

Anyway, I found myself surfing an old account back on that page today. When I say Old, I mean from back in the day, alright? Back in the days where the only writing conecpt I was familliar with was dialogue.
Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. Yes, I was one of those writers, okay?
Guilty as charged.

I cannot tell you that my style from back in the day was revolutionary. I really couldn't tell you that about my writing now and I'm fine with that, but I will admit that it hurt to see a comment on the page from two years ago telling me how horrible it was with no push in the right direction.

"ur loading the page with loads and loads of C*@p." it said, "learn what a fu#%&ng adjective is u loser."

I'm sure Mibba says it a million times and I've never strayed away from it because it just seemed logical, but today I completley understand: Don't criticize without constructive pointers... pointers that don't involve swearing would be heavily favored.

One, it hurts.
Two, it doesn't give us any direction in the slightest.
Three, it hurts.

Now, I won't be the one to tell you that I can take criticism. In the short term, I really can't. In fact, I go out of my way to make myself feel better after a nice battle with a critic. I build up my ego, bolster my image and blow off excuse after excuse to get away from it all. (Aspiring writers can come up with piles and piles of creative excuses, you know?)
But, honestly, if it's constructive criticism that gives me direction and supports itself logically, I find myself caving to it in the long term.

I'm still getting over my shock from the fact that I was so protective over something so lame. Seriously, guys, it was a terrible story. I cannot explain to you how many shades of lame it covered. It was horrible and I had absolutely no idea where the hell I wanted to take writing when I wrote it all those years ago. But to this critic, all of my future critics and anyone who just wants to listen to me shout it out:

I will not be ashamed of anything that leads me to where I need to be. I will not be ashamed of my terrible story because I like where I'm headed right now in terms of my writing and it took that horrible story to get me here and teach me something about myself as well as a writer.

Or maybe I'll never have a good story. Maybe there will be something wrong with every single chapter I write for the rest of my life. It's a possibility, you know? Maybe I'll never write a classic or a best seller and maybe I'll never earn a spot on your bookshelf, but I'm damned sure that I'll learn a million things about myself as a writer and as a person while I try.

So let's talk about it now. I'll keep it short, I'll keep it sweet and I promise to keep it G'd up for you in ways you never thought possible.

Criticism: you've got to back that S#%t up.

Yours,
Val

P. s (to my ego) - I don't even know what that critic meant by "loser". I had just as much swag back in 2008 as I do right now.