Want

Yeah, yeah, so I named my journal after a 3oh!3 album. So what?

It's fitting.

I've always thought that I want too much. That is to say, that I want too much that I can't have yet, and I'm not prepared to wait.

As in, screw the experiences, I want my life to start NOW.

Yes, I know I can make it happen for myself, but that's not the point.

I want to find a man who makes me happy, and most importantly, is not an asshole. Moreover, I want to stop being attracted to assholes.

I want this awkward "marrying kind" thing with Simon to be forgotten already, because it makes me feel super weird. And in any case, I couldn't marry him. First of all, I'd probably kill him, and secondly, if I didn't, the war would.

That's another thing: Stephen Harper, pull our motherfucking troop out of Afghanistan! We're not doing anything but killing Canadians over there.

Or court martialing them for mercy killings of foes who probably wouldn't have made it back to the field hospital anyway.

I want to hear what dorm I'm going to be living in, without getting all those annoying "you'll hear the results of the lottery at the end of July" e-mails every two days. I know that everybody says this, but I want Leggett. Wally is too far away from the Eng buildings.

I want frosh week to come already, now that I know I'm not going to be dyed purple and that there aren't any entrails in the mud pit at the grease pole event.

I want to be working at something worthwhile already, not the stupid dead end jobs that I'm not even hearing back about.

I want to go to the beach! Well, I just went to the beach, so I suppose that I want to go back to the beach.

Surprisingly enough, I want to get hit on in bars in Calgary. That should be fun. I wonder how my mother will react to that.

I want to meet Josh Ramsay! I know it's not going to happen, because there will be 89647349873948573948 people at their free show, but still it'd be super cool. Julia would be so jealous!

I want to know that bitchface knows exactly what kind of friend she's missing out on. I kind of want to know exactly what she thinks of me, to be honest. It's probably not good, considering the look she gave me the day of the Physics exam.

Martino and Vithien, if you ever bring this up in conversation, I will cheerfully beat you to death, but I do want a boyfriend. Even though men are vile and revolting creatures bent on breaking my spirit and crushing my self-esteem, there's just something about the way their shoulders move. And you know, as much as I say I hate them, I really do love men.

But I have to stop liking assholes.

There's more to it, and I'm not quite sure I feel like sharing it all in an online journal, but I think you get it, Martino. I've told you more than I think I could ever admit to myself on my own.

Basically, you two, I'm trying to tell you that I love you and wouldn't know what to do without you.

On that rather touching and depressing note, I'm off.