AMANDA

i"ll admit I'm obsessed i mean i like the girl, and i can't get myself to say it out loud but i love her....
this is my first journal entry so please don't be mean...I'm already hurt...i know what you all might think "stupid girl"....
You know something though when i first met Amanda i wasn't crushing she looked cool and i wanted a friends because honestly mibba is the closest i got to being friends with people I'm loner, typical right? i sat in the back never spoke, never talked to a single person unless it was my teachers because well I don't know. i was closer to them....
Amanda is perfect in every way...black short cut hair dresses goth and is mean, harsh, and bitter but yet i don't run....
it happened like this...
were talking and soon enough were close watching the sunset in the library and I don't know what came over me but i felt the need to feel her touch and i was attracted but when i first laid eyes on her i looked away scared not attracted until then....
i just smoked and when i do i feel numb and i thought in my mind this weird little fantasy...
"we were sitting outside her house and i was about to leave, see i moved right after i met her so it might be the last time i saw her,,,i took off my necklace that has a upside down tree on it and i crawled behind her and put it on her thin pale neck..'
i said "something to remember me by," and i know its supposed to be sweet but i thought to myself she'd take it off saying she didn't want it ," and that's probably why I'm writing all this you i see, i love her but she don't love me and you know i don't care because i know she'll never love me and I've done worse shit to myself over her i remember the last time i saw her and that very night i slid a blade across my wrist just to because i needed to put myself straight i couldn't love her..but yet i still do its already been so long since I've met her but to her were complete strangers...