Reflections.

I'm entering my senior year this year, I should be ecstatic, I'm going to be on top of the food chain again, but I can't help but feel sadness, my years in school are coming to a close, I'm wondering where time went, it all went by so fast. I felt like I've gotten old which is scary.

Hell, I joined Mibba four years ago, thats unbelievable, I can't believe that I was thirteen so long ago, it feels like just yesterday I had been sifting through vampire stories and in love with Twilight. (Those days a long gone.) It feels weird knowing that I am basically an adult. I work two jobs, I'm constantly paying bills and I never seem to be caught up. College is creeping up on me rather quickly, and I find myself wanting to retreat under my blankets and slam my eyes shut, hoping that when I open them again, I'll be a freshmen restarting it all.

Maybe it all went by so fast because I treated everyday like my own personal party, I didn't care about cliques, silly drama, and rarely dealt with boys, I just lived everyday like it was my last, and even though some of those days really sucked there were always something to laugh about. I'm surely going to miss standing around a locker and laughing so loud that a teacher starts to complain. I'm going to miss making fun of those girls who take themselves so seriously and attempting to slack through gym. I'm going to miss complaining about swim practice and feeling like a bad ass when diving off the starting block.

I know theres more adventures to come, but nothing is going to compare to those crazy nights staying up till dawn, or venturing out to get Frosty's at eleven o'clock at night just because we can. As all my friends start to pull apart the inside jokes become less frequent, the late night Hagen Das runs become inexistent, and the constant need to watch Juno dies. My friends become wrapped up with boyfriends and personal problems, I watched two of my best friends from junior high completely abandon me for boys, they didn't even come to my birthday.

Getting ready for senior year I feel like I'm sitting on the top of a roller coaster, the cart is teetering on the edge of the hill, ready to drop down at an alarming speed, finishing my life. I want to advance on, but at the same time fear grips me, I don't feel ready for the real world, I fear sex and real relationships, I want to have more time to make decisions, but it feels like I have no control. I don't want to waste what little time with my friends I have left, and when we do run out of time I fear being completely alone.

I hope I'm not the only one feeling this anxiety, maybe it's stupid, maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe I'm not the only kid freaking out about senior year. I don't really know anymore, and that scares me more than anything.