Fear

I fear suffocation.

Suffocation- smother: deprive of oxygen and prevent from breathing. To become stultified, suppressed, or stifled.

I live with Asthma and a paralyzing fear of those around me. My friends crowd me, they do it out of love, but they still do it. I panic, my lungs contract, my breathing becomes labored, my friends get closer, the tears come, the hysteria sets in, oxygen becomes scarce, I feel death.

It never comes. I'm thankful for that. I suppose you could call it claustrophobia. I call it insanity.

It's brought on by people but I can't be alone. What if it's set off by something else? What if no one is there to help? What if my inhaler runs out? I don't want to die, I don't want to be alone. But people cause my fear. And people are the only ones that can save me from my fear.

I love my brothers, they don't know why their sister can't breath. They don't know why she can't be in a crowded car. They don't know that they cause it. It would kill them. They cry when they see me like that, I cry to know I'm causing them pain.

I can only say all this here, no one knows me here. My brothers can't find out here. So please don't tell them.