I hate how I build up my self confidence just to have it crushed with one sweeping blow.

I just love how one statement can ruin all the self confidence that I’ve rebuilt to crumble and disappear. I’m a proud virgin, but I know what I like to do with my boyfriend Tomi. We’ve been together for almost 9 months now, and the other day he told me that me having hair on my lady parts is a turn off. He asked me to do him a favor and go smooth. I don’t know how normal girls would have handled it but I was upset by this. Tomi has told me in the past to not worry about shaving my legs because it didn’t bother him, so why would a little hair THERE be a difference? Maybe I’m just too naïve and too virginally innocent to understand why my (way) MORE experienced boyfriend would ask me to shave MY parts. It’s not like I’m super hairy. I keep myself trimmed, but I guess it’s not enough. I’m still disgusting and gross, which turns him off.
I started tearing up while we talked because if all this time that we’ve been intimate to the point that he knows my body to that extent he’s been grossed out by it this whole time; what else turns him off about me? Are my thighs too big and jiggle too much? Do the stretch marks on my thighs disturb him? Is my hair too long and frizzy? Do my glasses bother him? Do my braces turn him off as well? What else is wrong with me?
And after that favor was asked my mind just went on a downward spiral. I started listing everything that I need to fix and change so that I’m not disgusting anymore. I want to look in the mirror and not get a frog in my throat because of how gross I am.
By this point I can easily say that I’m jealous of Jadakiss’ inner strength. She loves herself and is able to write and tell the world that she’s beautiful. I can never do that, because I don’t think I’ll ever believe that. I was trying for so long to build up that self confidence and inner strength but I’m so weak that I let one remark shatter it all.
I mean, if my boyfriend is starting to get turned off about my personal body decisions than why is he staying with me? And since I’m starting to become so pathetic, why does Jadakiss even want to be my friend? Why?