My Thoughts

I think alot...about alot of things..wondering why I tend to confuse myself so many times...each and every day, I think...about all the good times in my life and all the good and bad people who I have met...honestly, thinking so much can cause me so much damage because when I think about the good times, I also think about the bad times...bad times that push me behind in somethings and took me back to places that I tried to forget about and tried to let go...but they won't go because I haven't forgiven myself yet....how does someone forgive themselves? how do they let go? why won't they let go?
I have been sad alot and so depressed and I stay that way because, as said before, I just don't know how to let go...I wish it was easier for me...but I bet alot of people wish the same thing too...I want to change and be happy again, but life is taking me to a point where I don't know what happiness is or how to get there....its like I am becoming heartless because I am starting to despise things, people, and emotions, etc. Its pointless and I feel pointless. I keep asking God to help me and to open my eyes, but I think he is trying to yet I keep pushing Him away.... I need help...like any other person, I need freaking help.