I'm pretty much breaking down. Jimmy's death is hitting me really hard today. Seeing his drum kit in the Nightmare video, alone. Without him behind it, it's difficult to take in - he should be behind it. He should be the drummer on this album (even though Mike is great.) HE SHOULD BE HERE WITH US. Say it's pathetic all you want, because I don't care. We feel how we feel and nothing can change this. Time goes by and honestly, it's getting worse. You would think it would get a little better over time, but no. Not even in the slightest. Wishing everyday that you could wake up from this Nightmare that so sadly real. Seeing how sad my favorite band are, truly breaks my heart. Though how strong they are being gives me hope that all of us can overcome this and move on in a good way - remembering Jimmy and everything he ever done.
If you haven't had anyone close to you pass away and if you haven't been in this situation then you couldn't possibly begin to imagine how any of the fans feel or how anyone feels that has. Don't say you do, because you don't. It's even more unimaginable that you would think, trust me. If it was expected then perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult to face, but 'cause it came on so suddenly and nobody knew anything about it, it feels like you've been kicked in the stomach several times. "Only old people die" right? Wrong. Look how many young people have died over the past few years. Take another look, how many of them were good people? How many older people do you know that are good? No, I'm not saying every old person is evil - I'm saying HOW can people that do terrible & cruel things be allowed to live to an old age? Yet young people die? This is also the reason why I don't believe in God. I'm sorry, I just can't.
I was sitting downstairs and I had to listen to Avenged Sevenfold. Despite the fact I listen to them all the time on my computer, I had to see their faces. Mainly Jimmy's, but yeah. I got so far as Seize The Day and cried for an hour straight.
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I think I should probably take time away from Mibba, until the album is released - to clear my thoughts and be able to think straight. Perhaps I will lurk to take my mind off things, but I doubt I will write anything - mainly on the Avenged Sevenfold threads. Everything is just too reminding right now. I will return. Take care of yourselves. I love you all for being some of the greatest friends anyone could ask for <3
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