About Me. Shadows and Regrets

I can't think of another username so fitting right now.

Why am I crying?
THis is why.

I'm a failure. The family Failure.
I was created and brang up to be a copy of my mother without the dark shadow of regret that is attached to her. To be a copy of light, to not make the same mistakes she did, to be a successful model. To be Johelle Tapper, the real Dawn Tapper. The model, the beauftiful model, and role model, and mother. To be the perfect little girl. They're perfect little girl. Not Mum and Dad's perfect little girl, but Nana and Grandad's perfect little girl.
I was given everything, still am being given everything. I have everything I would ever want.

The only thing I don't have is the pride from them.
I am not going into Modelling.
I am not a mother, yet, I'm only 17.
I am not perfect.
I do not obey.
I am not an A student.
I do not listen to everything.
I do not stay in and walk around with books balanced on my head.
I do not stay in on weekends and excersise.
I do not talk properly.
I am not a size 6.
I do not wear dresses.
I do not wear skirts.
I do not have a nice of friends.
I do not have friends.
I do not have a boyfriend. I have the opposite, but they shall never know.

I can be everything oppostie and do everything they want.
I can go into modelling, I've had so many scouts approaching me. So many agencies.

I'll never tell them that though.

I'm going to grow up to be the exact shadow and regret of my mother.
A failed model. A failed Mother. A fail at a person. A person who abandon's everyone they should live for.
A drug addict. An alcoholic. A disappointment.

A failure of their perfect little girl.