Sobriety

Today is my 583rd day of sobriety. Wow, that's like a year and a half, I think. I never imagined that I would make it this far. And it does get easier, but this is a disease that I will always have. The first months were the hardest. Actually, the first few weeks, each day seemed like it lasted a year. But today, WOW! I have 583 days clean! That absolutely blows my mind. I never imagined this. When I was growing up, I used to dream about what I wanted to be, but never in my wildest dreams, did I ever even remotely entertain the notion of being an addict. But I am, and will always be. Today, thanks to the grace of God, and of course the law, I am a RECOVERING addict, but still an addict nevertheless. I am currently in drug court, and I will continue to be on probation for several years following, but I am free. Considering what I've done in the past, I should be in prison. Yet I was one of the lucky ones. I thank God for that every day. I was extremely lucky. Considering the quantities & cocktails of drugs that I put into my body, I should be dead, but I am alive. I thank God for that, every second of every minute, of every day.
It's a work in progress. Some days are better than others. Some mornings I wake up and all I wanna do is go get high. Some days I wake up, after a very vivid using dream, and I can almost taste the high. Those are the tough days. Fortunately I have a wonderful, loving, and understanding sponsor, and NA. I am a incredibly shy person and it is quite hard for me to speak up in an NA meeting, but to be able to hear someone else speak about their problems and troubles and how they survived, well, it always helps so much. I can't say that I will never use again, because I don't know what tommorrow will bring, and I have learned to never say never, but I do know that Just For Today, I never have to use again! And I thank God for that!