Dreamer

If I had to describe myself, I wouldn't be able to do it in words. I'd rather show people what I see in my head every day. But if I had to come up with a word, it would be that I am a dreamer. Undoubtedly so. Ever so often, when I catch myself in a daydream, the words of the great Albus Dumbledore seem to echo in my brain: "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." I should also mention that I then remember why I am so inspired by J.K. Rowling.

Often times, I feel quite disappointed in myself. I am a procrastinator, daydream too much for my own good, I'm lazy and I have a very...what was the term my history teacher used? Ah, that's right– I have a very laissez-faire approach to things. I don't want to be like that. Honestly, I don't! But it feels as though I'm a prisoner inside my body, my mind, stuck with this personality that I have. Sometimes I compare it to being drunk, or perhaps being addicted to some type of drug. It's like I can't stop, even though I want to. And so I continue on in my daze-like ways, floating about hither and thither without a care in the world.

At times I get bursts of inspiration and feel determined to do things; in the back of my mind, however, I secretly know that I won't actually stick to my word or reach any of the goals I set for myself. Sad, isn't it? I know that deep down I really can be everything (or mostly everything) that I want to be– if I try. That's the thing, though, I don't really try. I may start out trying, but then my resolve crumbles and laziness sets back in. It's a vicious cycle, and it needs to be stopped.

I have a thirst for knowledge, and it needs to be sated. I've just never really tried to do anything about it. I really want this now, though. I want to be a better student, and, really, just a more knowledgeable person. Knowledge is power, isn't it? It's something that can't be taken away (unless, of course, you somehow suffer horrific brain damage). I need to realize that I can do whatever I set my mind to and not be afraid. I've always had these fears that I'm just sub-par, not as good as everyone else or unable to be what I dream to be.

This is not true, and I am determined that this summer of 2010, I will discover these things, as well as many other things. I will realize things about myself that I never knew, see myself in a new and better light, and perhaps take off my rose colored glasses and really assess my surroundings.