Giving the Color Purple a Whole New Meaning.

Dear Journal,
Everyone wants to feel like they have something more to themselves than they really know, right? Out of the ordinary or just out of the crowd. I've always wanted to be more than who I really am. But when someone tells you that you could be psychic, you can't blame a girl for feeling a little...struck.
My mother had an engaging appointment with a median who can foresee the future. She was invited to a house party by a close friend who had hired the median. I wasn't invited, plus my mother believe's I'm not old enough to go to any psychic, really. I was going to a tubing field trip, anyway, with my youth group. I come back, and my mother has so much to tell...and so much to let sink in.
I always thought psychics and medians and fortune telling was interesting. I never really thought it could be a showcase or anything like actors performing their moneys worth. Of course, it has to be against my religion or something, because Catholics are supposed to believe that once you die, you go to heaven or hell. You usually don't stick around afterward. But, according to the median, my grandfather did.
My mother's been to a psychic before, and she didn't seem as interesting. This median kind of blew my mother away. She was tearing up while she was on the phone with my cousin talking about it. While I was with her on the car ride before that, she told me the shorter, less interesting version. Once we were home, though, there was a lot to be had at the Wilkinson's residence.
Right away, my mother said, the median picked up on my grandfather, who had passed away last year on Valentine's Day. He had straight-lined at two A.M., and my mother wasn't there to support him before he did, so she felt like he was going to be mad at her. He wasn't though. The median said that it was his time to go, anyway, and he knew it. His father, she said, had helped him to pass to the other side. She described to my mom where she saw him and what he looked like. It clicked in my mothers head that they (my grandfather and his father) were behind the counter of my family owned bar/restaurant. She also told my mother that he tries to contact her every day, which, my mother says, explains why almost every night before she goes to bed, she smells cigarette smoke and chokes.
Then she decided to talk about the rest of the family. Specifically, the immediate family.
The median spoke to my mother about my grandmother, my brother, my father, and me. She first described my grandmother to a T to my mother. The terrible habit of being a pack-rat to her stubbornness that will never go away. The median said that she's mad at my grandfather for dying, which I don't understand. Who would, though? I've tried to think things through about why, but nothing's clicked yet. The median said that their relationship wasn't normal, only something you read about in books. It's odd, really; I would've never connected my grandmother to the romantic type. Then again, I never really thought about her love life with my grandfather. Next, she told my mother that something terrible's going to happen to her by the end of the year, and she kept seeing fire. She won't be coming to the house any more after that, either, whether because she was put into a home, or because she had no other choice. That kind of scared me. My family and I live with her, and she's had many tendencies to leave the water boiling on the stove. Another thing the median mentioned to my mother was that she saw how my grandmother and my brother were like oil and water, and that's never going to change. Now THAT is something that's true beyond words.
Next she talked about my twelve-year-old brother, who she saw going far in life due to his charm and good looks (tee hee ;] ). He was going to also become a singer and a writer. That kind of made me laugh when my mother told me this, because my brother is anything but. His entire life revolves around baseball, his buddies, and screamo music. He's not the type of guy who's into poetry, but I've never heard him sing, so maybe she could be on to something.
My mother didn't talk to me about what she said about my father. Only that he was going to own a big white truck. I don't know why she failed to mention, but I'm not intending on asking anything further. I mean, it's not my business, right? And who knows? Maybe I'll find out later in life.
All the median saw was purple when my mother said my name. All the median asked was what's your daughter's name, and it was weird because she even spelled my name right- a, two l's and one i. She saw purple when she said my name, which she said meant that I was a very psychic person. She told my mother that everyone is psychic in some way, but only some are more psychic than others. She told her that I'm a feeler, someone who was very empathetic. The median told her that I have an old soul. She said that I'm a driver; when I have a goal in mind, I intend to get it accomplished. She told my mother that she saw me performing professionally on a stage, and that I had plans to go to California. The median said that I have a very strong connection to my father's mother and my mother's father, and I have dreams about my grandfather all of the time.
I'll explain why I thought that all of this was so bizarre. I can honestly say that I'm an empathetic person- ask anyone who knows me. Most of my friends that come to me with a problem, I can empathize with- that's the only way that I can help them through anything they think they can't handle. An old soul? I'm not sure about that. I mean, I can say that I'm a lot more mature and level-headed than most of the people my age, but maybe that can contribute to that. Most of the places that I am today are based on me making sure that my obstacles are nothing that I can't handle. That's just the kind of person I am. Yes, I know they're there and it takes a lot of me to do it, but I can get past them- I've done it before and I will certainly be doing it in the near future. It made me smile inside to hear that I'd be on a stage professionally. I love acting more than almost everything. It's my passion, and I'd love to go far with it. I've been acting since kindergarten, and entering my junior year, I know that nothing will be changing with that anytime soon. As for the plans to be going in California, I didn't understand what she was saying until I thought for a little while. At the end of my senior year, once I graduate high school, my father plans on taking me on a cross-country trip, just me and him, all the way to the golden gate bridge and back again. I'll be waiting for that day, and hopefully my father will keep that promise, but that's another journal entry for another day.
Ever since I was old enough, my mother/father always said to me that there was a bond between my grandmother (my father's mother) and I. That her and I are very similar in personalities. She died before I was old enough to hold onto any memory of her. I was a baby when she died. The only thing I have of her is a picture of her and I at my baptism, and an old owl necklace. Deep down, maybe I do have a connection with her. But my grandfather? I'm not so sure. When he was alive, I didn't know him too too well. My mother took care of him for two years straight, right up to the day he passed in the hospital. The median said I have dreams about him. Maybe they are dreams that I have at night and then completely forget once I wake, or maybe he's something symbolic in all of my other dreams. Another thing she mentioned was that I was a dreamer, and that is also true. I have dreams all the time, and I do remember them when I awake in the morning. But I don't remember any of them with my grandfather in them.
All of it's made me stunned and all that's really stuck to me was the whole purple thing. It isn't even one of my favorite colors! It's kind of odd, though. There's purple all around me. I have about six different purple candles in my room, which two colors are blue and red. I took two of my grandfather's green candle holders that glow with the candle inside of it. I also took two of his old beyond old black hats that are hanging on my door, and a couple of old campaign buttons that look almost like the buttons they sell at Hot Topic. One more thing the median said to my mom that neither one of us could understand was that when she saw my father's mother, all she saw were roses. That she's somehow connected to roses.
My room has about three dozen different bouquets of live, dead, and dried roses.
Every night since my mother came back from her trip, I would light three candles, one of my purple ones, one of my grandfather's ones, and a red candle holder that I've symbolized as my grandmother. Maybe now I can see what kind of connection I really do have with my passed grandparents. That's how the color purple's changed my life. Even if any of this can possibly be false, it's made me feel like something more than I really thought I was. That maybe I am different. And, yah know, I can live with that.

Signed,
Allison