Please read on of my stories and tell me what you think, even if it is criticism, it would be well appreciated!!

okay i just started updating my stories better then i usually do, and i kind of want to know what you think when i say criticism i want everything,from things like how my grammar sucks(if you think so) to how crappy my story line, maybe you could help me with this type of stuff, but i don't want people coming and commenting saying oh you suck go jump off a cliff or something like that, because that is extremely childish and stupid, so now that my rant is over please comment and tell me what you think :) (you can also comment my poems if you don't want to read my stories)