Hard Love

I remember growing up like it was only yesterday,
where everything was so easy and free. I can't recall how many times I've wanted to go back in the past and just relive those moments. Because those were the purest moments in my life.
There were times in my life where I made stupid mistakes, really stupid ones, that are scarred in me forever and those hard times just drove the easy love away. I realized how difficult it is to face problems, and how hard it is to deal with your own mistakes. I didn't know what was hard love was until now. The love for life. The passion to live on.

Love is such a complicated thing. It's unexpected, unstable, and hard. Feelings between friends and family are always changing inside me. Sometimes I feel like I understand someone, yet other times I realized I can't tell them really anything. Getting close to someone is a dangerous thing. For one, they could be someone else rather than who you thought they really were. But being careful about life isn't going to get you anywhere. At least that's what I realized. Life isn't a book that's written out for you. You can't expect them to tell everything that's ahead of you and what's going to happen. I wish it was like that, but it's not. That's not how life works. To have the courage to live on is what it matters. To choose to believe and trust someone is the first step. Yes, you might end up choosing the wrong person or group of people to share your feelings and life with, but it's still a step. Sometimes love between friends, family and even among strangers might be hard, and hurtful because life can be cruel, and reality's harsh. Yet love is never wasted, even when it's hard love.

Love is pain and pain is love. It's hard love but it's love all the same, not the stereotype kind of fantasy but still more than just a game. It's the only kind of love that's worthy of the name, because for the love that heals our life is mostly hard love.

If you pause and bother to even read my journals, my life, then I want to thank you for that.
Even if it's just once, because it's still a moment where you know a little bit of me, where you first know me, even maybe the last. I am not as great as what people say I am but I try to be the best.
The best of me.

I hope everyone and each of you will find love sometimes in life. Be patient and tolerant, for love will find you too.

-wrote this awhile back, when things were complicated.