i wish i could go back in time, that way i could've listened to my heart....

God, I really wish I could do that. You know how sometimes when you get into a situation and your heart says one things, but then your head says another? Well, unfortunately, I listened to my head, which was wrong. If I had listened to my heart, I wouldn't be doubting myself on how I feel towards this kid....but I am. Now my head and my heart don't even know what to think. I don't have any options, it's like trying to watch a television where all the channels are fuzzy.

I know it's just one guy, and yes I know that I'm young....it's just I haven't felt this way about a person before. It's so strange to always have them on my mind....just thinking about them all almost all the time.

I had lost this person once...[when i listened to my head]...and now things have just gone all wrong. We didn't talk for over a month, which for me is a long time because this person is someone that I told anything to...they were my best friend. You used to be able to say I love you, and actually spell out the word 'love'...now all I ever get is 'I luv u.' And when I see this, I don't believe it.

Sure I was all smiles....but underneath you don't know how badly I wanted to talk to you, you don't know how badly I wanted to break down in front of you and say I'm sorry, sorry for pushing you away when I knew it wasn't the right thing to do.

Now I'm trying to make things better because I think I know what I want this time....and that's this kid, I really hope that they know I'm not going to hurt them again. I hope that they don't doubt their feelings for me.

I just wish things could go back to the way things were. Back to when we never worried about anything. Back to when we could just sit and talk about anything and everything for hours and end. Just like the first time we talked and we talked for three hours straight...that's one conversation that i'll never be able to forget.

But since I can't go back in time, and I can't see the future...I guess we're kinda stuck in the moment.

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