I DON'T UNDERSTAND HAHA!!!

Hmm it's been a while since I've put one of these up. That's only because I felt like I was getting judged on these when I was trying to get my feelings out. Anyway I have absolutely no idea what's wrong with me. I've been like soo hyper today. On Monday I had like the worst breakdown ever. I was yelling and screaming at everybody(I've never yelled and screamed at my parents EVER in life until that day), I locked myself in the bathroom, I actually got drunk, and told my parents about my suicidal thoughts and how I felt so depressed. While I was yelling at my mom she told me to pack my bags and she was about to send me to live somewhere else (hence why I don't disrespect or yell or do any bad things really).

Oh and by the way I never disrespect or talk back to my parents because then I feel like the normal average teenager. You know the rebellious, disrespectful, is embarrased of their parents, never wants to hang out with family kid. I hate kids like that and I hate being called a teenager and placed in categories with those kids. It really does hurt my feelings when my mom gets mad at me because I feel like I'm acting like those kind of teens. It really pisses me off too which is why I hate my mood swings which I still can't explain neither do I know why they happen.

Anyway after my mom tried getting me to pack my bags, my dad convinced her to let me go on a drive with him. He got the ok and took me on a drive and talked to me. I started yelling, screaming, and crying but other than that I didn't really say anything because I just wanted to sleep and I was a little fuzzy from the vodka. Now you're probably thinking "oh my gosh she's thirteen an she's getting drunk she's a bad kid".

Well I can assure you I only did it because I felt so much pain an thought if I was drunk it would go away and it helped a little it really did. But anyway we got back to the house after about 2 or 3 hours and I just went to sleep. When I woke up nobody mentioned it which I was totally grateful for. And that day I was soo hyper and I've been hyper ever since well excluding when it was like 2 am this morning and I didn't want to sleep, but I also didn't want to do anything.

But yeah I've had serious mood swings and I don't know why. A week ago I choked my sister out because she annoyed me. I didn't get in that much trouble for it either which I was so grateful for. Oh and the same week I had a whole two liter of Dr. Pepper and a crap load of skittles so I was super hyper then haha. Oh and like two months ago or so I discovered Avenged Sevenfold :) I really love that band. My favorite band of all time has been, is, and will always be Linkin Park and that band's songs have gotten me through a lot of hard times.

I've been listening to them since I was like 6 give or take a year or 2. I've only been listening to a7x for about 2 months and they've helped me through a lot also. Those are also the only bands that I actually know all of the members. So I'm really surprised about how attached I've been to A7X.

So yeah....oh and if you've read my previous journals you know that my mom was pregnant. Well she had my baby brother. His name is Noah and he's 7 weeks old. I love him and he's really like the only person I'll tell absolutely everything to. Yes I understand that he can't understand me and can't respond but I really don't care. It helps me. Plus I like talking to him because I've been talking to my fish Eli Peyton Favre (Yes after all three quarterbacks)

Oh and my grandma and I went to Anaheim for the MLB all star weekend to see if we could find any baseball players and get some softballs(we got them from a Big Five in Anaheim) signed. Unfortunately we didn't see anybody but I stayed the night and the next day we went to the Nokia Center in downtown LA for the Espys. We got a good spot and got a whole bunch of pictures but me being the idiot I am I let Dhani Jones walk RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME withOUT getting an autograph. I felt so stupid for that and I still do but I'll have the memories with me. Not to mention I have a lot of softballs I can throw at people ^_^

Oh did I mention I'm on an Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead kick? Well I have. As soon as I put song on my iPod (about three hours ago) I have not changed the song. I don't think I will anytime soon either hahaha. I've also been on a Zacky Vengeance kick (really and A7X kick) but yeah. Hahaha I can't get him out of my mind. OH and The Catalyst (Linkin Park's new single) ROCKS!!! I can't wait until the video comes out next Thursday ^_^

Ok I'm done with my rant. If you read this thank you I appreciate this and if you didn't then I really don't care and don't have anything to say to you since you're not gonna see it anyway ^_^

Questions

1. What are you eating?

2. What sounds do you hear?

3. Do you like ice cream?

4. What's your wierdest pet peeve?

5. Who's the last person you talked to?

Answers

1. Peanut M&M's

2. Everywhere I Go (hehehehe)

3. HELL YES!!!

4. I hate it when there are numbers on a phone when you have to press the buttons or even when it's an accident. I always have to clear the numbers out.

5. My mom