Apologies+A Few Little Truths.

Okay, I'm going to start off with an apology. I'm not sure if she'll ever read this, but to Bella; Is A Wild Thing I sincerely apologise for the argument and then the comment. I was in a horrible mood, PMS-y and just generally in the mood for a screaming match. I know what I said was rude and horrible, and if you're not able to forgive me, then at least know that I am profusedly sorry.

On another subject, I have a few things that I think everyone should know about me. The truth; No matter how gruesome it may be |:

1. I'm smarter than I pretend to be. No, it's not okay to dumb yourself down. But I'd rather be seen as stupid than be known as smart and not live up to expectations.

2. My boyfriend died at the beginning of the year. He was in a car crash. I didn't get to say goodbye to him. And being completely honest, I cry myself to sleep for him most nights. I pretend like it's not a big deal, but it is. As of the 2nd of Feburary, 2010, I could never be completely happy. I still wear the bracelet he gave me. Every single day.

3. I'm lonely. And I'm okay with it. I mean, I'd be alot less... Well, I'm not exactly sure how to put it, but if I tried I'd be less lonely. I mean, I have friends that I love to be around, and that I could trust with anything, but I feel like someone is missing in my life.

4. I'm not happy with my body or face at all. Everyone calls me 'pretty' or 'skinny' but it has never made a difference to me. So, I haven't left the house without one bit of make-up on my face in as much as four years.

There was more, except I walked out into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and my dad was wearing my mums pajama pants and I laughed so hard I forgot my train of thought.

So, I suppose my truths made me seem a bit morbid, but I'm not. Most of the time (when I'm not thinking about Dixon), I am actually a very loud, happy, giggly person. There is nothing I love more (apart from you! :D) than laughing so hard my stomach hurts and I'm crying.

I love life. Right now, right this second, I am so completely and totally over-joyed and happy, that nothing could ever really stop me. And that feels good (:

Lots of Lust,
beautiful monsters.

- Feels like I've walked into the circus, where everybodies friendly, but only of the surface.

?

Oh, and one more thing.

Never forget: You are beautiful to me.