READ THIS!!!!! (Whoring)

Okay so a thank you Is needed for the 11 people who read my other journal.
I'm Hoping someone will take the hint and go read my story..... BUT doesn't look like it's my lucky day.... :'(

I'm really looking for some help on it.
1. Do I need more detail?
2. is there too much?
3.Do my characters talk too much?

Come on people a little help?

4. Should I even be bothered trying to get it out there? Does anyone really care or am I ranting to myself.

Please. Look at it and subscribe if you like and comment. And comment if you don't. I wanna know why!!!!

Please come on.
!!!!
I'm begging here. Okay not literally I'm ranting and whoring.