I Hate that I Love You.

Have you ever had that one guy, or guys that you hate to love..but can't picture your life without them?

i do. my ex boyrfriend Sam, and my current boyfriend Joey.

I love Joey, i really do. he's all i could ask for...only its a long distance relationship..and we need to wait another long year before we can see eachother. The distance doesnt bother us, cause if we can last 7 months already, we'll have no problem when we're together. the only thing we have, or i have an issue with now is his friend Trish.

she's a complete hoe. she's done almost everything to try and make Joey hers. she got snake bites, buys him things...i honeslty have never met her, and really hope that i never do. cause i wont have my friends to hold me back from wrecking her face. i wouldnt have a problem with her, cause i know Joey's really loyal to me, but she decided that she was going to 'confess' her love to him today. i mean WTF who does that???

Joey basically told her he didnt love her, and she didnt love him , she just loved the idea of him...but still, thats fucked up and it pisses me off. she knows he's taken, i may not be there this very second, but im still in the picture.

i can understand wanting to talk things out, and alll that shit..but he tells me he has to go because Trish said she was gonna come over so they can talk...at 11pm. what is so important in that conversation that you cant wait until you see each other the next day at school? i mean the conversation should go: Joey-i dont love you trish. i'm sorry you think i do. Trish-*cries*.

well in my mind thats how it goes. bitchy? yes. do i care that much? nope.

i'll be damned if i lose my boyfriend to a skanky little hoe like her.

then we have Sam...the abusive ex boyfriend of almost a year..from freshman year..btw, im a senior. i know i should hate him for everything he's done to me. but i cant. stupid, i know. its not like i plan on going back out with him, ever. cause i dont. i cant see myself with him..just Joey.

but i also cant take him out of my life completely. he's changed, if you can believe that. its been two years, but it still feels like it was yesterday to me. i dont doubt that he somehow loves me, i just dont understand why he cant seem to move on anymore.

he had no problem cheating on me when we were together, but now its like he does everything to try and get me back. thankfully, he's moving to Seattle in a month or two, but can i really let him go.

can i stop being his friend now? i want to stop the talking, it only causes me problems, and Joey hates him for what he did, but im not sure if i can.

i know that i'll never get back with Sam, its just to much to handle..and i know i want to stay with Joey for a long time...its just, with everything thats going on. i dont know if i will be able to.

so yeah, this is my whole first journal entry thing..and im not sure it makes sense cause my mind was rambling, but i had to get this out..its nothing like writing stories, mainly cause its all my thoughts.
but feel free to comment and such if you wish.

p.s.--names are changed just in case, with my luck the hoe will somehow find this.

thanks,
innocent massacre <3