Moments (friends)

have you every had one of those moments in your life where you look back at all that was and want to cry because all of it is gone.
i'm at one such crossroad in my life now. most of the best friends i will have ever had have either passed on , or moved on to bigger and better things. i mean their used to be a time in my life where i had so many people who i could count on to be there for me when i've needed them the most but now its like their only memories. honestly though what hurts the most is knowing that if thats all they've become to me than that must be all i am to them. there's such a huge list of people in my life that i wish i would have kept closer and not let them slip away. to name a few, sam, mikey, dimitry, amber ... the list goes on and on. and now just recently its become more and more aparant that that list is determined to continue to grow. what is it about me that drives people i love away. my heart feels like its slowly dieing inside my chest and i have no clue how to fix this.