She is the most amazing hockey player and well at any sport. It didn't take much for her to tell you she loved you. Being truly happy was something she was good at but that doesn't mean she didn't hurt.
All of our memories from growing up together are the best memories i'll ever have. We have had some really crazy amazing times. The bad times didn't last very long till one of us started talking to eachother the next few days.
I hate that I didn't go see her has much as I used to... We planned on going to a movie and watching something scary because other movies are boring.
Her 18th birthday was coming up and we came up with a big masterplan for hers and when my 18th came around. She was dead set on taking her girlfriend Langie.
I remember her super late night sleep overs with me. Both of us on our phones the whole damn time but still talking. She would show me her messages and laugh her head of at some.
I seen how sad she was when she would get to the messages from guys asking about her and Langie and if they broke up. Even if they broke up they would still end up together.
I wanna hate the people whoever said bad shit about her but I won't. I wish I could just remember her laugh and her voice but I don't... I still see her beautiful smiling face.
I'm sure glad she was a little model when the cameras came out haha. People have so many pictures of her.
I wanna be strong for her but I can't because when you love someone that much it hurts more than anything.
The day I found out she passed away my heart broke and I just prayed it was some fucked up joke. I didn't know what to do. I had to stay calm because I was watching a friends kids.
I cried but stayed calm.
I got home and broke down... I was thinking about how many things I could of done to change what happened if I was just in her life more.
I know now that I couldn't of changed it.
Going home it was just sinking in more and more... When I got here police were blocking the road. I went home and just broke down. I didn't want to leave my house at all.
I sang for her both days of her wake and funeral... It was the hardest thing I've ever done. So many people came and hugged me telling me how beautiful my voice was and I was just wishing I could hear her say it.
When I seen her laying there not moving and she didn't even really look like herself. I wanted to take all off all the makeup they put on her. She didn't really like makeup she said its heavy haha.
She was cold and I wanted to warm her up but nope I couldn't.
I love you SO much Jaz my big little sister.
I had a dream about you. It started off with you gone but the doctors said they can save you so they did a bunch of work.
They did what they said they would do and you were back and still the same amazing person you are.
It felt so real and then I just had to wake up. I just wanted to stay in that dream forever.
Jazmine #14 <3
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