Fear

...and the things that feed off it.

This is a first for my journal entries on here, so Mibba and Mibbians, bear with me.

I have this neighbor, he's almost 80 (I think), and he's been a family friend way before I was even born. I think he believes that just because I'm 19 now that I'm up for anything, I suppose. Well... sometimes before this event happened, he'd stop me while I was on the way to the store or coming back from a friend's house for just talking and he'd always compliment me and say things like 'you're a cutie' or 'you're pretty darling' and stuff like that. I thought nothing of it because I don't really care about compliments - I never have because I always believe everyone's lying. And sometimes when my dad and I went down to his house to help him out with things around the house or whatnot, he was always touching me. I thought it was a coincidence at first when his hand would brush against my chest because he was hugging me at the time but then I started getting this creeped-out feeling when I was around him.
And then... about two days ago, he stopped me when I was coming back from the store and I was in the car by myself. Well, he was talking like he usually did and then he grabbed my neck and tried to kiss me. I fought him off and I swear that when he said why wouldn't I let him kiss me, I felt like just spilling and saying that I was gay (a story for another time). But instead I just brushed it off, I couldn't get my mouth to work right or words to form, actually, since my body was already tense and I was getting really freaked out by him.
Anyway, I came home and I acted like nothing happened because I have already told my parents that the guy gives me the creeps but they said he was harmless. Plus, my dad doesn't like making anyone angry or mad at him so I know he wouldn't do anything, it's just how he is.
-__-' And I know that my mom would probably kill him if she knew about it.
So, now the only ones that knows is you, Mibba and Mibbians, and my ol' diary.

I'm just scared to go down the road anymore by myself because I have encountered him at a store when I was alone too and that was scary too. I guess it's no wonder why I don't like people. And I just needed to get this off my chest, I sort of felt like I was going insane so I've been drowning it out with Bring Me The Horizon but you can only play their CDs for so long until you've heard every single song and the fear comes back.

Thanks for listening... well, reading.
- Otis