Okay, my journals name DOES have a purpose. I promise.
Seriously, I have this friend. And I'm... Let's just say, I don't LIKE him, but I do hold a sort of attraction to him. Even though he's not hot, and he slightly resembles a very tall sloth. Well, actually, not a sloth. But he had a skinny face and skinny nose and a bowl cut hair do, and HE IS AFRAID OF TOUCHING ME! WTH? I mean it.
I sit next to him in on of my classes, and I'll be leaning on the desk, and his arm will touch mine and then he bloody recoils! I mean it. All the time. It's not like I BITE.
And the weird thing is, it actually makes me happy when we touch, like, his touch makes me feel secure? (God I'm such a teenager.) It's kind of a safe feeling, like hugging your best friend. All this from our elbows touching? Wow. I really AM insane :D
Honestly, just to add to this (I sort of think this is kind of cute), we were watching this movie, The Kite Runner and it got to the scene were Hassan is being raped. It was pretty scary for me, just because that sort of thing worries me a bit, and I was hiding behind my hands and I literally thought I was going to cry. When I took my hands away from my face, I must have had ragged breathing or something, coz he looks at me, and goes, 'It's okay! It's just a movie, don't worry!' and goes to grab my hand, but then stops, and looks away.
I reckon that is the cutest, and so does my friend Rhiannon. (:
The pink play dough. It's my stress medium. I mean it. It's such a pretty pink. Kind of like bubblegum, baby, eraser, fairy floss, strawberry ice-cream pink coloured. So pweetty! It's all soft and squishable, and it basically makes me happy. Anything that makes you happy? Possibly blue play dough? I will admit, the blue is quite nice. (x
Aother thing, this is a little bit of a paranoia rant thing, but seriously. My friend ******* was next to the guy I basically love in one of our classes today, and if my blood pressure wasn't high before, it was in third period today. I am the most envious, angry person, ESPECIALLY when it comes to him and really. It SO does not help that I'm pretty sure that he's using me to get to her. At all. Then again, I'm a bit possessive and hypocritical. I mean, he wasn't even talking to her. I'm friends with a bunch of guys I talk to reguarly, but he's only friends will guys too... Wow. I need to check myself, and then try to be a better person |:
Lastly, my friend B and I were talking in this same period, and she was looking at my two bracelets, the braided one my boyfriend (or, maybe he's an ex. I guess I'll explain in a sec) gave me the last time I saw him, and a pretty silver one that my best friend Cat gave me, with LOVE written on it in cursive.
B tugs at Dixons bracelet and goes, 'where'd you get this?' and I was like, 'Oh. Well, Dixon gave it to me. It's all I've got let of him.' and then she looked pretty upset, and was like, 'Oh! Evie, I'm sorry.' and I'm like, 'It's okay. You win some, you loose some.'
It was a fairly depressing moment. I was put into a super weird mood after that. I miss Dixon a ton. Really. It's like, he's walking next to me.
I always feel like I'm the one that killed him. See, a day before the accident, we had a terrible argument, and I told him that it would be better if he went and died.
I didn't mean it. I never got to say goodbye. I can't stand the fact that the last thing I said to him was that he should die. That's probably one of the worst things to have to live with.
Anyway, I guess I should stop ranting.
Lots of Lust,
OH MY GAGA!
Rest In Peace; Dixon James Ricuardo
19.07.1995 - 2.2.2010
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