My ex who stalks me, harrasses me, took it too far.

I was contemplating death yesterday. Who, and what was worth dying over yesterday, everyone looks at me as if there is something wrong with me for it. They're all saying "I've been there before, I know what it's like." Really, you do? I didn't realize you lived my life for the past fourteen years.

My ex boyfriend has been harrassing and stalking me. I've begged him to stop.

I'd give up the world just to get him to leave me alone. He calls me from someone I considered to be my friend's phone. I ignore the call so he leaves me a voicemail. He called to hear me cry, instead of facing me in person, when he told me he had sex with her multiple times throughout our relationship. My friend. Someone I trusted him with, he had sex with. Behind my back, they hid it. They wanted to see how long I'd not realize it, how stupid I was. He had a group of people behind him laughing and yelling at the phone, putting me down.

My life felt useless, meaningless. I felt terrible about myself. About who I am and that I wasn't good enough for a drug-addict. As I listen to the voicemail, (I was home alone at this time) he calls again. I hesitate to answer, but push myself to. He says "Did you get my voicemail?" in a happy voice, everyone in the background giggling. They think they're so funny. They tell me a line of mean things about myself. Pushing me to suicide. They laugh at me, put me down and break me peice by peice. I hang up. I call my best friend, sobbing. She calls them and asks them to stop, I listen in on three-way, and the group giggles and laughs. They think that I deserve this. I realize who the kids are. Not a group of his friends. But a group of mine.

I put myself off mute, and tell them they're pathetic, I've moved on and have the best guy in my life. I lied. My ex friend's ex boyfriend likes me, I brag to her about it. But in all honesty, he likes everyone. I'm not special, though I pretended to be. That time they hung up. My ex friend(Jen), texts me. She tells me she's not in this fight and to f-off. I texted her back, "You're the one who screwed my boyfriend and you're not in on this? Yeah, no wonder you lost all your friends." and she replies "It was a joke, he was messing with you. Learn your facts bitch." My anger overwhelms me and I call her easy. I told Nick I would call the cops on him, on multiple occasions before this, so she mocks me, "I will call the cops. Haha, sissy." I reply "Do it, I already did."

They finally left me alone. But I crumbled. On the verge of killing myself I call my parents, begging them to come home. They say they're at my brother's football game. They didn't come. I sat at home, sobbing all night. I'm so embarrassed, and hurt that I didn't do go school today. How could I face everyone? How could I pretend like I actually have friends? I don't. I don't have anyone, it shows. I broke. I crumbled. I've never cried to anyone, I've never fallen apart so horribly. But I finally shattered. I cried to my best friends on the phone.

I'm ashamed of myself. I have no choice anymore. These kids run my life.
September 21st, 2010 at 07:19pm