Stupid

Today I feel stupid.

I feel I've started hiding my true feelings for everyone else sake again.

I've a nasty habit of putting people before myself.

I just kinda broke down last night, I know why but I didn't realise it effected me so much.

My boyfriend didn't etheir.

I guess I always believe people are going to give up on me as a lot have since I moved.

Right now I feel alone and scared here.

Though I'm happy in Spain itself.

It gets pretty lonely when I don't know anyone my age.

I've begun to get annoyed at myself as I use to be so much stronger than this, and thats part of why I don't want to worry anyone.

Everyone knows I'm stronger than this.

I hate being a burden to people and relying on them to cheer me up., it feels a little selfish.

I hate making people unhappy when they care.

Those type of people that if I'm unhappy, they are and they try their hardest to help & I apprecitate it even it seems like I don't.

What people don't seem to get is I do this.

Well okay I use to when people didn't care as much as these people do.

I usually cry my eyes out till its all out and then I'm fine again.

That means that words won't usually affect me.

I'll listen and take it in but I still need to get everything out.

I guess the thing about me is when I push you away, it's when I need you most.

I hate upsetting people with my tiny depressions.

I hate feeling selfish and a complete burden on people.

But it's just hard right now.

I've moved to a country where I don't speak language and don't know any kids.

Ever since my boyfriend left it's been weird because I've no one my age to talk with.

So this is just me realising that for the first time in a long time, I feel truely alone.

Again I hate burdening people but I need to vent somewhere.

*Sigh*
Thanks for reading I guess.

~Shannon