9/29/10

My life's a mess. I hurt but I don't know why. I'm broken but I'll live. My depression gets worse. I cry way to much. I can't seem to hold on to anything that matters to me. My dad doesn't know me very well. And I blame that on me because I don't give him time too but When I do he doesn't take the chance to. So I blame him as well. My mom just doesn't see I'm struggling really hard to not kill myself. I live twodifferent lives but they are so similar in so many ways. One with my mom, step-dad, brother, and two sometimes three step-siblings. The other with my dad, step-mom, and two step-siblings. I don't eat much anymore and so my mom makes me, but when I'm with my dad he doesn't know that I don't eat when I'm with him. I don't sleep very well. I'm scared of so many things. I hate it. I hate that I feel weak. I hate that I don't feel safe. My step-mom drags my dad away and my step-dad still treats his kids better than me and my brother. I don't want to breath another day. I don't want to be in pain anymore. I don't want to act like I'm happy anymore because I'm not. But I can't leave or I would. My brother is all I have that stops me. No matter how many times we fight or annoy each other I still love him and I still want to be here for him if he needs me. My life is so confusing. I just don't know what to do.

Please if you comment don't make it negitive. I really don't need anymore negitive shit in my life. Thanks