Yearnings

I think it makes me wish for something I’m not even sure exists. Like I’m waiting for something tangible to appear that I’m only hopeful of. I feel as if I’m searching for the dodo bird without even knowing what it looks like. My heart yearns for something it’s never had, never seen. These yearnings, the hopeful glances at someone who walks by, only happen every once in a while when I’m in the real world and doing my everyday activities. School is a place for practicality, and my head is full of logic or thoughts of the next lesson. Then I come home and sit around reading about love and experiencing it through someone else’s thoughts and words. That is enough to satisfy the slightest of cravings, which are often but not very strong. It’s when I listen to someone pour their heart out in a song that my heart soars with the music, carried on a wave of longing and loneliness. I don’t even know what I’m searching for. I’m just a kid. Fifteen years may seem like a long time right now, but it’s a mere portion of the life I’ve yet to live. Sings full of love and hope make me begin to cry. I’m full of feelings I have no idea of how to express. Even if I knew what to do with my emotions, who would I express them to? When I begin to be contemplative, my family looks at me as though they don’t believe the words are come coming out of my mouth. Then when I continue talking they begin to get uncomfortable, as though talking about something so serious makes them want to squirm in their seats. Maybe they just don’t feel the way I do. I weep as I write this. Listen to a Miley Cyrus song. How… entirely and unrepentantly pathetic is that? I don’t tell anyone how I feel anymore. Most of the time, like I said, I don’t get these sudden overwhelming bursts of emotion very often. Music brings it out of me. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else feel like this?