Longing

I suppose school's burden is really taking its toll on me. I seem to be getting more and more tired, then embracing the welcome but unbearably short weekend, then starting all over. Hopefully the tiredness won't eventually catch up to me.

Ever since my buddies from last year went to college, I feel like there's just about no one left. I mean yes, I do have my senior buds from this year, but last year I knew so many seniors and they were all just so amazing and talented... and now I may never see them ever again. Some say last year's senior class was really bad, but I beg to differ. The ones I knew, the orchestra kids, the art kids, were all so admirable and talented. When I consider how much I admired them, and how gifted they were, it breaks my heart to think they're just... gone.

I mean, they're probably not GONE... like forever... but I know that in the future I'll see them on TV and say "I know them from high school!" except by then they won't want to come back here anymore to visit me. And some of them may not even make it. Some might get into bad stuff. Some might be involved in a horrible accident. Of course, this is what I dread the most, but it sure is possible, however unimaginable it is.

I wish I could see them all one last time, to just wish them luck in the future, to tell them how fantastic they were and how intelligent. I wish I could have had a last conversation, write in their yearbooks, tell them we'll keep in touch, no matter how well I knew them. I wish I could just see them off, say goodbye before they disappeared to god knows where. Because, like an idiot, I did none of this before they all were off to school. And now everywhere seems way too far away.

Hopefully one day fate will allow me to meet them again. Maybe I'll have the privilege of becoming close friends with one or more of them. But for now, all I can do is wait, because fate works in strange and mysterious ways.

I hate that I don't know the future. I long for it.