THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING EVER!

Hey there. It's another journal entry, and this is for some advice that I can't really tell to anyone because it's super embarrassing. So I decided to ask anonymously.
It all started last year when a new boy joined my first period class. He is super nice and crazy cute. And, for some unknown reason, he likes me. We hung out a bit and we seem to get along really well. So I wanted to ask him out or whatever. Of course I would never do it because I don't want to shit up our relationship. But one day, he dropped a bombshell on me.
He's gay.
I was shocked. No one knew. He didn't show it. He's closeted and I feel so bad. For him and me because it'sTHE MOST EMBARRASSING THING EVER! I don't know if anyone else knows how it feels to have a crush on a gay person, but it hurts. It's the fact that no matter what you do to change, he will never think of you the same way you think of him. With any other person, there's always the slightest possibility because you're a girl and he's a boy. But with him, there is no possibility because I'm the girl. And he's perfect in every way. If I could, I really would change for him. I'd do whatever, but no matter what it won't matter. And that breaks my heart.
And whenever I'm near him, I feel a mix of joy and pain. I can't like him. It feels like it's insulting him. Shoving it in his face that what he did was wrong because I like him. It kills me to think that. So I need any advice that anyone could give. How should I go about this? Has anyone else been stuck in this situation? And doesn't it hurt?
~Adrienne
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