Things aren't going to change, I see.

He told me to grow up today because I cried last night. I know he goes through the same stuff I do, and he's seen more people hurt and die than I have. But he never tried so hard with school. He doesn't realize how hard I am on myself with trying to get into college. He failed an entire year of college, and that's okay with him. He doesn't understand.

I've put myself in a box. Everything that has to do with my home life I shut out. Regrettably, this means I forget to do housework I'm asked to, and I'm trying to break that. But it also gives me the one escape I can get by myself.

I've been keeping it in for so long that I just want to let it all out, but whenever I do, I'm an immature little brat who can't recognize that I burden people when I do. So I try to keep it in. I feel more and more awful every day, but no one wants to listen.

He talks freely whenever he has a problem. No one tells him to grow up. Why do they tell me to? Shouldn't letting it all out be therapeutic, good for a person?

He always claims how he's always here for me if I need to talk. I'm sorry, but that's bullsh*t. He's not there at all, and that's obvious when I reach a breaking point and he tells me to stop being a baby and to grow up.

Grow up... I hate that phrase. It just makes me feel like I don't deserve to feel better. All I ask is for someone to not only listen, but to understand and not blame me. Sometimes I just want someone to sit beside me and not say anything, just realize that everything is not okay.

Why am I the one who has to shut up and watch everyone else get help?
October 18th, 2010 at 01:06am