shit days 001 feeling like those emo kids we all hate.

I feel like shit today Mibba.

It's cloudy and I feel so alone. I usually get depressed when the weather is gloomy. I like to lay in my bed listening to Patrick Wolf, Bat For Lashes, and my UrbanOutfitter mixtapes. Most of it's cheesy Indie musics. I like cheesy if the music is good and the lyrics are pretty sweet. Then I start thinking. Sometimes I just lay there thinking about why I'm feeling so alone. I don't want some guy sitting there comforting me, or even my best friend to tell me it's okay. I just want to be laying there feeling sorry for myself. Eventually that makes me feel better. Yes I'm strange.

Days like this make me want to cry and not do anything but unfortunately tonight I have class. And most importantly it's lab night so I won't be home till 9pm. I have to write an outline tonight and then I'll probably just go to sleep. I don't know if this is like... depression, like the serious kind. I just feel like what's the point of living? I don't want to kill myself or anything but I think about how the world would be without me. And it's so masochistic of me but I enjoy feeling sad about it.

Ugggh it's so terrible. When I'm happy I'm a sadistic bitch and when I'm sad, I'm a masochistic bitch. Then it's like I just don't give a shit about anything.

I just needed to spill this out because I'm feeling overwhelmed with all these negative emotions. Totally not good for me. I just want to have something fun and exciting happen to me so I can smile or feel like my life is actually alive.

Also, finishing the anime series, Kuroshitsuji made me even more depressed. The shows hot, but the content is a major downer for the emotion.