Confusion

Confusion, the act of confusing, the state of being confused. In the end it all adds up to being confused. That's how I feel lately. Ya see, there's this guy I kinda, sorta, maybe like. It's not like he'll ever read this...I prolly just jinxed this, but let's call him Stephen. Now, stephen is really sweet and adorable. He's super funny to. We get along great, hell he even broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago , just like my friend and I predicted a little over a month ago. But you see, he's really hard to read. Most guys are easy to read. A) They like you as a friend B) They like you as a friend and think you are attractive C) They just are there for your looks or D) They like you. With him, I cannot tell at all. One second he's flirting the next he's ignoring me, and then the next he's practically holding my hand!! Now if that isn't confusing I don't know what is.

I want him to like me sooo much. Today, my friend even asked what was going on between us. I said "I don't even know." She just shook her head and went back to her drawing. But see I'm not the only person confused by this!! Just her asking that proved it, so I don't know what to do. If I ask him if he likes me, then he could laugh in my face and say something like "Like you? Yeah right!!!" But he's not a douchebag like that. So he'd prolly just say "Umm, no. Why?" I would feel soooo stupid. And honestly. he's the only guy I've ever wanted to actually date. I mean I like a guy, we're in a sorta thing I can't even call a relationship, and then I don't like him. Simple as that. But with him I cannot, ugh! I basically can't stop bouncing idea's back and forth on what to do.

Tell Him

Don't Tell Him

Have Kayla Tell Him

Make Him Ask Me

Ask Him If He Likes Anyone

Forget About It Completly...Ha I wish it was that easy. If life was that easy I wouldn't even be writing this. But Oh My God!!! It's so confusing!!! I just want to walk up to him sometimes and be like, "Dude, I like you..a lot. Do you like me?" But despite being able to talk to anything that will talk back, I can't bring myself to!! Because.......*drumroll please* WE'RE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS!!!! Ahhh, the dreaded F word, and not the one that rymes with duck.

Friends, friends, friends, friends.....the word that plays over and over in my head when we're flirting, the thing I don't want to ruin. I LOVE him as a friend, but I like him as being boyfriend material...if that makes any sense. And those freaking big brown eyes!! They do NOT help!!! Jeeze, why do I have to be a sucker for brown eyes?? Why, why whyy??? I don't just like him for his looks, but still it's just the personality, the eyes, well....it's just him in general.

"He's just soooo _______ *insert name here* I mean honestly, I can't help it!! I think the second I set eyes on him I was like "Oh, cute guy!" Thenwhen we started talking and stuff it was like "Ohh , cute, polite, nice, awesome guy!" Now I'm just totally into him...and the sad part....I stopped liking him completly, and then my friend had to bring him up!! Haha, I don't really care that she did. She goes to a completly different high school. Never spoke to him once, but now I like him AGAIN!!! I mean, I'm a flirt naturally. But with him it;s just horrible. Like, we make each other blush. He blushes more than me though...I never blush (: But he's so cute, it's just like awweeee. I mean, I have no idea but it feels so good to write this, even though I have no idea who will read it...randomm. Sorry bout that. :D

But back to being confused........today i was drwing on his hand, and like he was trying to hold my hand...but five minutes later he's talking about some chick that I guarantee is prettier than me...grr. I just, I have such high self esteem. But it's like I don't think I'm pretty ever around him. I totally want to date him too!! I want a relationship! But ya know, that's not up to me now is it? Haha, well any adivice on what I should do?? Or what you would do in my situation. If you have good adivice I might actually use it. (: haha, i just really need to do something about it before I die of confusion, the main reason for this entry.