Word Search?

A word search post is going around Tumblr and i usually don't use Tumblr but this happened to catch my eye.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_latdbv94YK1qb6iw7o1_400.jpg

"Our psychological state allows us to see only what we want/need/feel to see at a particular time. What five words do you see?

-Suicide, cut, scum, leave, secrets."

These words worry me because right now I'm in a bad mental state and I'm scared I'll resort to old thoughts and actions. I'm only doing this because I promised a friend that the next time I feel upset or needing to cut, I would write down my feelings instead.

If the statement above is true then it looks like I'm in a worse position then i thought. I don't know what to do anymore. I always feel anxious, like something bad is going to happen or I'm just going to break down crying in the worst possible place.

Life is just too much for me to handle right now, and I honestly feel that when I get older, I'm going to be just like my mom. That probably scares me most of all. I love her to death but the chance that I may turn out like her almost makes me scared to live life. I look like her, act like her, talk like her, and it scares me that I could be sick like her. She is bi-polar, depressed, and has anxiety problems...to be honest, that's how I feel.

I have amazing people in my life including family, friends, and a boy who has my heart. I'm not strong enough to end my life, but self-harming is another issue and has been in the past. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed to admit it. No one is sure of what the future holds, and I don't know if i want to find out.

....Try the word search for yourself and see if it changes your outlook on life a little.

Ps. This was to vent, so please don't judge me or try to help. It's not worth the time.